Lately, while scrolling through TikTok, I’ve found a series of videos of people showing off their boyfriends and all the comments saying, “The bar is on the floor.” Sometimes, I wonder why the bar really is so low. It’s startlingly common how many relationships praise the bare minimum – basic communication, helping around the house once in a while, maybe going out on a date every now and then.
Why is this common in relationships? The answer is that the red flags might not be easy to spot right away.
Red flags for poor daters tend to be there on the first date, but they might not stick out immediately. Maybe you’re new to dating, maybe you’re not. But it’s good to know what red flags are raised for you, and how you can avoid them.
Here are some common red flags that can be found on the first date.
Doesn’t ask questions
If your date doesn’t ask questions about you, chances are they’re in this for themselves. Not being interested in you or your life is a major sign that your relationship will be one-sided and revolve around only their needs.
Acts like it’s a job interview
On the other hand, if they ask you too many questions and deflect any you ask them, then it’s still a one-sided relationship. They should be willing to share about themselves as well. If they treat the date like they’re an interviewer, it can make you feel like you’re doing all the work and they don’t put in any initiative. They likely won’t put in any effort to you, if things go beyond the first date that is.
Nothing in common
This isn’t necessarily a bad tell about the person themselves, but if you have nothing in common, your relationship probably won’t last long. If you don’t have anything in common, you’ll struggle to understand each other. This makes for a shallow relationship and you won’t be able to rely on them when it really counts.
Whether it’s negativity towards you, to those around you, or a general sense of “My life sucks,” negativity is a bad sign on a date. You want to be able to have fun getting to know each other! If they’re gossiping or being rude on just the first date, who knows how they will act when you’re a couple — to your face or behind your back.
Ignores your boundaries
It’s always good to be clear about your boundaries before the date. Tell them what your intentions are, like getting to know them a bit more or to possibly commit to a relationship – anything that you might want. But if they ignore those boundaries, you should get out of there. Being too touchy or wanting to have you commit to long-term life plans with them immediately is a big tell that they’ll ignore your boundaries if you go into a relationship with them in the future.
Flaky with planning
If you can’t depend on them to make or follow through with plans, then you likely won’t be able to depend on them for other needs in your relationship either. Good planning – and taking initiative to do so with you – lets you know that your date is committed to getting to know you. When they don’t do this, it shows that they probably don’t intend to pursue anything with you.
Hopefully these red flags will stay at the forefront of your mind and help you raise the bar a little higher for your next first date.
By Caileigh Winslade, Senior, ChiArts
Instagram @fairytwist / Twitter @silverrebi
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