So, you met someone. You think they’re perfect — charming, smart, funny, all the right things. You’ve been talking for a while now, and you think maybe now’s your chance to shoot your shot. There’s only one thing stopping you: your nervousness.
We’ve all been there. It can be scary asking someone out. “What if they don’t like me back?” “What if I embarrass myself?” “What if I mess things up?” These are questions we all tend to ask ourselves when trying to muster up courage to go on a date. But, lucky for you, there are ways to make yourself a little less anxious and be able to ask out your crush.
Here are some of those ways.
This one may seem obvious, but it’s easy to forget to practice when you’re afraid — a lot of times, you’ll just want to push it aside and not have to think about what you’ll do when you ask them. But practicing really does help!
There’s always the age-old “practice in front of a mirror” trick. Or, you could ask a friend to help you if you want to try speaking in front of another person who can respond to you. Writing down what you want to say beforehand on a post-it note is another way to make sure all your feelings come across the way you want them to.
When you practice, you become less afraid that you’ll miss something or stumble over your words. Also, it helps you mentally prepare and feel more confident when you actually ask them.
Don’t Overthink It
Sometimes asking people out can be much simpler than we think.
When we’re afraid, we tend to over complicate the situation, which just fuels our fear. Stick to making it easy for yourself. Be straightforward when you ask your crush out — being direct can be the best way for them to know your feelings. You don’t need an elaborate speech for them to understand. Just saying, “Hey, do you want to go out sometime?” can simply do the trick.
Take A Moment
When we’re anxious, our body often works itself up. Our heart races, our breathing quickens, and we get wrapped up in our feelings. The best thing you can do at that moment is to pause for a second.
Breathing exercises can often help calm you and remind you to slow down. Inhale while counting up to five, hold, and then exhale while counting to five (NHS has a good breathing exercise guide you can follow!). Another thing you can do is simply try to distract yourself for a few minutes — watch a cute video or look up a good joke.
Remind Yourself You’re not the Only One
Some of our biggest fears when asking people out is the fear of being embarrassed. But, try to remember that the other person probably knows how you feel. They’ll likely understand your fear and have been through it before.
Gary Donohoe, a psychology professor, told Belfast Telegraph about how this can help. He said, “Try not to see yourself as the exception to a rule that ‘everyone’ is automatically comfortable in all social situations. Reminding ourselves of this can be valuable. It makes you feel less isolated – it’s called normalizing the problem.”
When you know you’re not alone, it becomes much easier to openly communicate. Don’t automatically think your crush is out to get you or wants you to be embarrassed.
Accept the Possibility of Rejection
At the end of the day, you have to face the fact that you may be rejected. The biggest fear we all have is giving in to the negative thoughts of “They won’t like me back. They’ll say no.”
But saying no is okay! And it’s much more common than you would think, which doesn’t mean that it reflects on you as a person.
Another psychology expert, Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist and host of “The Kurre and Klapow Show,” told Elite Daily that this is a big part of dating anxiety. He advised, “Remind yourself that rejection happens frequently; it often isn’t about you alone. It’s about the other person’s issues, their preferences, their challenges, their hang-ups.”
When we become comfortable with rejection, we’re able to understand that asking someone out and getting told no isn’t the end of the world. So, why not just go for it? If you don’t try, you’ll never know.
By Caileigh Winslade, Senior, ChiArts
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