When it comes to relationships, we often hear about how the woman wants to be spoiled by her man. However, society often fails to focus on how men feel and what they would want in regards to being “spoiled” by their significant other. Since society has socially constructed that men are not supposed to be as in tune with their emotions, their feelings/perspectives can often be overlooked.
Hyde Park resident, Niko Ivy, definitely believes that the roles of “spoiling” should be equal within the relationship. “Spoiling is not a one way street. If someone claims to love you, appreciate, cherish, and value you they shouldn’t have a problem expressing it, and you shouldn’t have a problem holding them to that standard.”
Ivy, 21, describes what he would consider as “spoiling” from his significant other. “It doesn’t have to be diamonds and pearls. Just make me feel loved with more than words, and don’t try to compensate with just sex. Buy me a sandwich or a new comforter or a cool shirt; something I’d be interested in or appreciate,” he said.
Brenden Smith, also a Hyde Park resident in Chicago, takes an entirely different approach when it comes to his expectations of his significant other.
“I think men and women shouldn’t expect anything in a relationship. I feel like expectations are kind of just another way of saying assumptions,” says Smith, a freelance filmmaker. “If you’re assuming something that’s never been communicated, and you’re hurt over that, then that’s kind of on you. With that being said though, communicating it would simply be sharing what your love language is. Regardless of what that is, your partner should be actively trying to ‘spoil’ you through physical touching, receiving gifts, affirmations, and more.”
Smith, also 21, agrees with Ivy saying that spoiling goes beyond materialistic value. “Getting spoiled in your relationship just means that your partner is actively listening and trying their best to speak your love language.”
Smith goes into further detail of the idea of having expectations from his significant other. “I think at the end of the day, I wouldn’t really expect or assume anything from her. It’s about not expecting anything except for what’s vocalized, and what’s spoken is how I can best love her and vice versa.”
These two similar, but different perspectives provides great insight on how some men may truly feel on this topic. If you’re currently in a relationship and have never had this discussion with your SO, spark it up so you’re both on the same page.
By Kori Barnes, Sophomore, UNLV