Whether your relationship is brand new or has been going strong for a minute, it’s not uncommon for someone to feel left out. Friends think you’ve ditched them for bae. Bae thinks you spend too much time with friends. This leaves you caught in the middle. A relationship definitely changes how you divide your time amongst your partner and friends. It’s normal and expected.
If you’re in this situation, don’t feel like the bad person. Try these tips for being fair to the people you care about most.
Make more plans with your friends.
As long as these plans don’t bring any negativity into your relationship, make them! Staying connected and spending time with friends is healthy and gives you something fun to look forward to.
If you’re too busy, be honest with your friends.
This is especially true for those in new relationships. Try not to lie if you can’t make time to hang out. Full details aren’t necessary either. Chances are, you’ll post about all the fun on social media anyway. So, to avoid being caught up or having to temporarily block anyone on IG or Snap, a simple, “I have plans with [insert name here],” is just fine.
Eliminate reasons for your boyfriend/girlfriend to be jealous of your friends.
Explain that you value your day ones and the time spent with them. Going out every now and then with people who celebrate you does not equal “bae abandonment.” In fact, inviting your bae on double dates and group outings is extremely helpful. The more they feel comfortable about who your friends are, the better. Communication is key and reassurance is a powerful thing.
Regular Facetime and phone calls are crucial!
Let’s be honest, sometimes you get so wrapped up in bae that in-person best friend time is impossible. This is when friends (particularly the single ones) can start to feel less important in your life. Spending a while on the phone, instead of not hearing from each other at all, will help divide your time and energy properly.
You got this! Always remember that finding a balance between your besties and your bae can be a challenge, but it’s possible.
By Marilyn Koonce, Northern Illinois University Alumna